The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
