You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
