No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Randomize
