I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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