Sorry, I don't speak sober.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
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I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
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My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize