NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Randomize
