My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
