2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
whose ass print is on the piano?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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