I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
