I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
