i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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