Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Swine flu. Run for my life!
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
