I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
