it was like eating out sand paper
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
