can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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