put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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