I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
