Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
