I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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