pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
