paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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