cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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