i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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