what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
