sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
