Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
