dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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