i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
