I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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