you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
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The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
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Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking