I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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