Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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