they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
