i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
