Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
