I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
