Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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