Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
