I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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