My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
