Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
That's how pantless uber rides happen
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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