She is in my trunk
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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