matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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