Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
