what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
well you can't waste a boner
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
