I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
