i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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