haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Sorry my hands just texted you
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
