I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
