Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
