Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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