I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
