Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
