somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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