You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
