You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
