Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
