i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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