you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
