you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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