Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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