Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
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