I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
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