dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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