This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
