is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
