After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
