Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
