Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
