um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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