I only kidnapped one of them. chill
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
